When churches say "no" to children in service

I'm just a traveler. I move every 3 months - in and out before you know it. But I always get excited about finding my new church family in every new location.

What's disappointing, though, is when I visit a church that forgets the whole family...the kind of church that's a one-time visit because I can't comfortably return there. I had one of those moments yesterday, just minutes after sitting in the pew, as the pastor stated, "No children under 10 should be in service." 

That's a pretty brief statement that many would dismiss, especially a single woman with no children who's simply passing through the area. But I could not easily let it go.

You see, 20 minutes after the pastor stated that children were not permitted in the sanctuary, this same pastor spoke of the importance of "worshiping communally as a church family." That's interesting...because the last time I checked, the church family is comprised of more than just people over 10 years old.

When churches say "no" to children staying in their services, here are 6 things they're really saying:

1. "Families shouldn't worship together."

Not all children are appropriate for sitting in "big church" with their parents every Sunday, but the value of that experience, when appropriate, is completely discredited when it's not encouraged and supported. When children aren't allowed in service, families aren't allowed to worship together. Children aren't afforded the opportunity to be challenged by wisdom from their pastor or ask their parents questions about the things they don't understand. They can't raise their hands or dance in between the pews during worship music - or witness change that occurs at the altar. Families miss a chance to by physically close to one another, sitting in the pews and sharing their Bibles. And children and parents alike are not taught the importance of a strong family dynamic because they're intentionally separated from each other every Sunday morning.

2. "You have to trust us."

That single mother coming from a background of abuse and neglect might not want to trust strangers in the nursery or children's department yet. That couple who just moved to the area might not be ready to leave their young ones in a class before they get to know the foundational truths of the church. That little one with severe separation anxiety might not be prepared for 2 hours away from mommy and daddy. Just because this is a church and it's most likely a "safe place" doesn't mean that every guest who walks through the doors will believe that right off the bat. Guests need to be given the opportunity to set their own boundaries and to trust at their own pace - and they need to be respected through that process.

3. "It's more important to be distraction-free."

I won't deny that kids are a little distracting (how many 4 year-olds do you know who can sit still for at least an hour?), but we have a choice in how we respond to that. Do we embrace it as positive energy that God gave them and let them be who they are - or do we teach them that there's only one acceptable way to worship? Do we shame parents who can't "control" their children - or do we encourage growth and wise teaching of discipline while also understanding that kids express themselves differently than we do (and that's okay)? Do we love Jesus' little children and show them that we are filled with joy by their presence in church - or do we give them glances and make it known that they aren't welcome in this part of the church? It's our choice to make.

4. "It's not your role to decide when your child is ready for this."

The local church body doesn't have the right to speak over the knowledge we have of our own children. We know our children well...better than they do. If I feel that my child is mature enough for participation in a church service, she needs to be encouraged in that. When she steps into the sanctuary, she doesn't need to hear "Let me walk you back to the children's department." No. She needs to hear, "Can I walk with you to the altar?" Teach her to take initiative in her faith. Teach her to be a follower of Christ and a leader for other kids. Teach her that she is precious in the sight of her Creator and she is always welcome at the foot of the cross.

5. "Young families aren't welcome here."

If a new mother brings her newborn baby to church on Sunday, she should not feel obligated to hand her baby to someone else - or burdened to leave the church altogether because she desires to continue bonding with her infant. Furthermore, let us not forget that a lot of new mothers are also millennials craving for an environment that loves and accepts them...we need to make it known that their presence, and the presence of their baby, is absolutely desired and smiled upon, never frowned upon.

6. "Christ's message to the children doesn't matter."

I know: that sounds a little harsh...but we can't deny it. In Matthew 19:14, "Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'" He didn't say, "Let the big kids come my way, but keep those little ones away." He didn't attach the phrase, "unless they're too distracting." Jesus didn't have limits or guidelines...no rules about how mature they had to be before sitting at His feet...no restrictions. He told His people to let the little children come...unhindered.

What's in a name?

Have you ever researched the meaning of your name?

When you dig into the Word, you find that names often had a purpose. Even in the Old Testament, names were given with reason. I mean, Jacob and Esau's names were based solely on how they presented at birth - "holder of the heel" and "hairy" respectively (Genesis 25:19-34).

(Can I just take a moment to thank my parents for not naming my twin sister and me based on how we looked at birth? I can't imagine what those names would be.)

But let's think about Jesus. Jesus was named for the will of God and ultimate purpose of His life: to save the world (Matthew 1:21).

Jesus fulfilled, and continues to fulfill, the purpose for which He was named. I want to do the same. I want to live by the definition of the word that was assigned to my life.

When I researched my name, I found that it could hold any of the following meanings: defender of mankind, joy, courage, full of risk, going on a voyage, or happy angel. I'd be pretty content with any of those life missions, really, but my favorite definition is this one: offering with both hands.

Offering with both hands...that hits me. What would my life look like if I lived it as a constant offering, giving of everything that I have? That's a challenge for me - a big one - but whoever said that our life purposes were supposed to be easy to fulfill? I think the best ones are the ones that capture our hearts but challenge us to do really hard things for the betterment of the Lord's kingdom.

So, what would it look like to live out my life purpose? It would look like two hands covered in the dirt of the ground and the dirt of messy lives. It would look like two hands strengthened by carrying the burdens of my brothers and sisters. It would look like two hands handing out love and grace like the free gifts that they are. And it would look like two hands reaching up to meet the hands of God in praise, awe, and surrender.

It would be a picture that could encapsulate every one of the remaining definitions my name might carry. It would be a picture of selflessness. Those hands would be taking the hands of others to lead them to Christ, embracing everyday people in a message of safety and warmth, and holding broken hearts while working diligently to patch up wounds. And there would be cuts and scrapes, resulting in lasting scars...each one labeling a valuable, life-shaping memory.

It would be hard.

But doesn't that sound like an offering worth making? Doesn't that sound like a life truly worth living? One that would be blessed by the Heavenly Father?

It's a challenge I'm willing to accept.

What about you?

Now, I get it. Not all names have deep, profound meanings that motivate you to change the world or change your life. And not all people have names that really coincide with who they were designed to be. However, I challenge you to reflect upon your own name and the meaning behind it. Is that meaning a real part of you? Might it help you define a purpose? And if it doesn't, then what name would? What word or phrase do you want to truly define your life? What words would you want people to read and think, "Yup, that's him" or "This is how she lived in a nutshell"? What message is God really placing on your heart in this time of your life on earth?

Find it. Define it. And pursue it...with everything God has given you.

Once Upon a Thaime

Photo credit: Connie Lengkeek Rock. Sign reads, "#1-GO-GO. 
50 gorgeous girls plus a few ugly one's [sic]."

It's been almost a year now since I went to Thailand for the experience that would break my heart daily; cause me to fall to my knees in gratitude for the blessings I've taken for granted; and challenge me to find the words that would describe what I saw, felt, and encountered.

I never found those words.

But there are women and children whose stories need to be told, whose lives need to be wrapped in your prayer. So I reach out to you...and with that, I will try to attach words to the experiences for which no words were ever created.

Once upon a Thaime, there was a little girl, maybe 6 years old, who walked the streets of one red light district - every night after midnight. She carried a bouquet of roses and asked visitors if they would like to buy some. The secret many people knew, that I didn't at the time, was that this little girl wasn't just selling roses...she was selling her body. She was "just" another numbered victim in this tragic game of sex sales. She was "just" another girl who never smiled and always looked straight past your eyes when you spoke to her because she couldn't bear to form an emotional attachment with someone. She is not just a number. She has a name.

Once upon a Thaime, there was an adolescent girl dancing on the stage of a bar, wearing high heels and a rubber ducky that symbolized innocence and newness to the industry. If you asked her mama-san, the girl was 18 years old. If you asked the girl herself, she was only 13 years old. How could she have chosen this fate for herself? How could she have known where this path would take her heart? She couldn't have known. She just couldn't have known.

Once upon a Thaime, there was a young woman who entered a bar in another red light district, prepared to apply for a job. As far as she knew, this was her only option. She needed to help her family and, without a high school diploma, she couldn't even work at 7-Eleven. She couldn't work anywhere but here. She spoke the words, "I can't do anything else." She listened to the words of a woman who was there to help her, someone who took a risk and walked behind a curtain to secretly intervene. She heard in her native tongue, "I can help you" and "We can train you to do something else." She heard, "Come find me when you are finished here, and I will help you." This young woman was already tied to her interview session, so she put on her uniform (a bikini) and stepped up onto the stage for her audition. Her arms were locked over her abdomen as she hid behind two experienced dancers and waited for the song to end. Men in the room ogled. The mama-sans observed. And she kept her eyes locked on us - the ones who would give her hope. To our misfortune, our mission was revealed and we were removed from the bar...prohibited from seeing the girl again...when the girl wasn't even in the room to know that she wasn't just abandoned by the ones she thought were there to help.

And once upon a Thaime, there was a 24 year-old graduate student who entered this country with enough research to fill the pages of a book but no real idea of what to expect.

She questioned everything.

She was angered by the men whose wedding rings glimmered in the lights of the bars where they were meeting sex-workers for instant gratification...it's just a perk with coming to Thailand on business, right? No one has to know.

She was caught off guard when a man extended his hand with what appeared to be 2-300 Baht (5-7 US dollars), offering to pay her for a sexual service she wasn't there to provide. Was that the going rate? Was a woman's worth in this industry valued at $7.00? Who decided this? And how does this monetary value impact a woman's inner self-worth? These girls don't know that they are worth far more than rubies, already bought at the price of our Savior's ultimate sacrifice. They just don't know. They need to know.

She was amazed and uplifted by the joy of the women she met who had successfully transitioned out of the sex trade and into productive employment...the love they had for one another as a family...the laughter they shared as they danced and sang with their hearts...and the hope that came with starting to develop a relationship with Christ.

She was confused by the women who said that the sex trade saved their lives, that they chose this path voluntarily because it would give them better lives than what they knew outside of the city. Lesson learned: no story in this industry is ever the same.

But, in Thailand, they have a common saying they use for everything that goes, "Same, same, but different." I think these are the words we can attach to these stories. Same, same...but different. Each of their stories is different: there's a different beginning, a different reason why the sex industry became part of her story, and a different search for something better. But there's always brokenness. There's always a need to be loved. And there's always a hope for tomorrow. Thank God for that hope.

Please join me in prayer over each of these young ladies and their stories. I'm just the girl who saw what I could and then went home to my comfort and security. God reads the hearts of the girls before me and He hears the cries of you and me...He knows the words that we don't have...we need only approach Him.

The Power of a Half Hour (Book Review)

It is 2:13pm. I will use a half hour to write this blog post. The Power of a Half Hour.

What an interesting concept. You can change your life by doing everything in 30-minute increments. Writing, communicating, working, cleaning, planning, developing relationships, ministering to the broken...even reading this book (which was conveniently written in short chapters) can be done 30 minutes at a time. And the results? As the back cover states, you "turn your fleeting minutes into defining moments."

When I started reading this book, I thought, Ok, that's interesting and it makes sense. But is it realistic? It is. I know because I tried it. I realized how much of my time is seriously wasted in a day. How often do you get bogged down by lengthy to-do lists that cause you enough stress that you don't even know where to start, so you plant yourself on the couch and don't do anything? I can spend an hour on Facebook before I even realize I did nothing productive with that time, but the reality of it is this: that hour spent on Facebook could have been used to complete TWO productive tasks.

This book is about time management and productivity, getting things done, and turning thoughts into actions. But it's also about so much more. It's about noticing the 30-minute moments that occur naturally in our everyday lives, and it's about how much value can come out of each of those moments. It's about taking risks with the time you give away and invest in order to see amazing return, and it's about watching God move in your life and in the lives of those around you. It's about building healthy habits, relationships, and dreams. All in 30 minutes. Over and over again.

And this book provides deep and practical wisdom for each of those moments. Reverend Barnett has answers for how to turn that quantity of 30 minutes into a quality set of moments that will impact you and someone else - even your own kids (I marked the chapter on parenting for when I have my own children!).

I know it sounds crazy, but you will fall in love with his concept for life-change. I guarantee it. "You will be amazed at how God can use just thirty minutes of your time to lead you on a journey that may push you out of your comfort zone but ultimately will bear tremendous fruit" (p. 161).

Start with one thing that you want to accomplish. Maybe it's cleaning your house, maybe it's getting closer to your son, maybe it's starting a ministry God has placed on your heart, or maybe it's deepening your trust in God. Set aside 30 minutes of every day (1/24th of each day - such a small fraction) and devote that time to this ONE thing. Use the strategies Reverend Barnett outlines in his book. And then decide for yourself if this crazy plan of his is worth pursuing with more of your life. With such little time required, it's worth a try...right?

It is 2:45pm. Hey, look at that. Almost exactly a half hour.

For more information about this book, click here.
For more information about author Reverend Barnett, click here.
I received this book for free from Blogging for Books in exchange for this review.

The Good News about Marriage (Book Review)

The Good News about Marriage: Debunking discouraging myths about marriage and divorce.

Already, we are off to a great start.

Seriously, how many of us have heard of that 50% divorce rate? How many of us have quoted it ourselves at some point? Personally, I heard it for the first time when I was just 16 years old and sitting in one of my first psychology courses in college. I had just started dating and I was already being exposed to this horrifying statistic that said to me,"Half of all marriages fail. Psh...good luck." What does that tell young people just entering the dating scene? What does that tell young adults who are about to enter marriage? Adults who are married and trying to survive? Thrive?

Shaunti Feldhahn (and Tally Whitehead) finally challenged this myth with actual science. Yes, REAL research providing REAL statistics. I think that is what I love the most about the points made in this book. None of the information provided is merely opinion; it's information that is supported by scientific evidence. Not only that, but this author took her research a step further by contacting researchers and asking for datasets, requesting analyses that were not previously run, questioning how and why results came up as they did, and seeking out truth. She found that many researchers have been misquoted, their results misinterpreted and cited inappropriately.

Surprise!

Do you know what she found? We are making marriage sound awful compared to how it is and how it truly can be for anyone. The actual divorce rate is only 20-25% among Americans and - wonderful news - it's much lower for Christians who worship God together! There's evidence, right here, that portrays the importance of placing God in the center of our relationships.

Thank you, Shaunti!

Ok, I won't give away all of the details.  But I know you're getting excited - and this book is well worth the read to find out more. It provides solid evidence for the truth - the good news - about marriage. It is an encouraging resource for single men and women, married couples, and all those out in the community who work with and support marriages/families (counselors, pastors, social workers, etc.).

If you would like to read the first chapter of this book to get a taste for it, click here.
If you would like find out more about Shaunti and her other books (I HIGHLY recommend "For Men Only" and "For Women Only"), you can check out her website here.

I received this book for free from Blogging for Books in exchange for this review.

Crash the Chatterbox (Book Review)

Let me preface this by saying two things:

1. I have read 2 other books by Pastor Furtick - and I really liked them; I talk about them frequently.

 2. Prior to reading this one, I already had mixed feelings because of some "sketchy" and questionable things that have come up now about Furtick. I am not judging him, but I am questioning his intentions for God's Church. Some of these things include: children's coloring pages that portray himself in the way a cult leader would be portrayed, "spontaneous" baptism that is actually staged to reel more people into seeking baptism, living in a multi-million dollar home that also raises questions of whether it was built with his money or the church's, and refusing to be transparent with finances as most pastors and churches are expected to do. But I won't go into anymore details about these things - you can do that for yourself if you are interested. I only bring up this point so I can be clear that I was a little wary going into this book and, thus, it's possible that contributed to my overall perspective on this book.

 Now that all of that stuff is out of the way, I can move right into my review of the book.

 I didn't like it.

 When I read Christian living books, I try to read them with these questions in mind: Would I want my child to read this? Is this appropriate for everyone, someone specific, anyone at all? And what is the point, the purpose, of this book? I would not give this book to a child or teenager.

 Let me start with the basic stuff.

 1. The book opens with the following quote: "I wish I had a little devil on my left shoulder. I could flick him off and tell him to go to hell." It's one of those statements that isn't bad or wrong, because there's truth to it; but it's what I would label as a "borderline" statement. I would not want a child repeating this because I would not want him generalizing that statement to other things.

 2. The quote at the top of Chapter 1 is from Jay-Z. Is that really appropriate? I understand that you don't have to be a good role model to say something meaningful, but, at the same time, I don't think the quote was powerful and meaningful enough that it couldn't have been replaced by something said by someone more admirable or reputable. The quote was simply,"I'm losing myself, I'm stuck in the moment. I look in the mirror, my only opponent." I typed this into Google and found that it comes from a song by Jay-Z and Kanye West titled "Welcome to the Jungle." And I counted at least 6 "F" words, one time the Lord's name is taken in vain, and at least one time it mentions marijuana (it specifically says "weed" then, but there may be innuendos thrown in there). Excuse me? I don't listen to this kind of stuff because it is inappropriate. I do NOT think my pastor should be familiar with these lyrics either. And I do NOT want my kid to read this quote in a Pastor's book, like the quote, then get on Google and look that up to listen to the music...thinking that it must be okay since the Pastor listens to it, too. No!

 3. Is it necessary to make a joke about Cialis ("Because discouragement will arrive at the doorstep of your mind as certainly as a Cialis commercial will air during the Masters.") in this book? Again, this is something that i had to look up online. Sorry, I'm not familiar with all the medications out there for erectile dysfunction. And quite frankly, I hope my children don't. But I guess if they ever read this book and decide to Google what that is, they'll also learn all about that. So, again, not something for my children...especially little girls.

 4. Another thing I did not enjoy was the story about the time he yelled curse words in his front yard in front of his young child, who repeated it. Not only that, but the background of the story was that this was Christmastime and, since this was a busy time for him, he wanted to relax and, thus, only wanted to be in the car with his quietest child...so the rest of his family left for their trip early while Furtick and his son left later. Why is Pastor Furtick telling us that he just didn't feel like sucking it up and spending that extra time with his family in the car at Christmas? And the only happy ending was that he read this part of his book to his son (years later) and his son said he didn't remember the curse word being yelled. Well, that's good. On a similar note, he told another story about taking his whole family on an extended vacation to a lake house but basically locking himself down to write this book instead of actually spending time with his family. Way to teach good parenting?

 Ok, now let's get a little more into the meat of the book.

I thought this book was pointless. The book is about "hearing God's voice above all others." This book did a great job at telling us about all the bad chatter we are hearing on a daily basis. From others, from ourselves, from the devil's influence. We got a lot of negativity thrown at us daily and it can wreck our intimacy and trust in God. And, in a way, it's comforting to know that pretty much everyone experiences this. We are not alone in wondering where God is sometimes, wondering why we can't hear Him, or wondering what in the world we are supposed to do next when we feel like the world around us is crashing and burning.

 But he stops there. I found very little information in this book to be practical. He told stories - lots of them. He even provided a diary entry from Mother Theresa that showed her doubt and worry, her own calling for the Lord to pour His love over her when she felt lost and uncertain. But there was nothing to follow. There was no guidance, no direction, of what to do. How are we supposed to "Crash the Chatterbox" if we've only scratched the surface of what the Chatterbox actually is? This book had so many opportunities to dig deeper and tell us what we are missing. WHAT should we be doing? HOW are we supposed to hear God's voice above all over things? Is this even possible?

Pastor Furtick missed the mark when he completely neglected to add the "What Now" portion of this book. The only practical pieces included were thrown into stories (ex. he said, at one point, that we begin with gratitude and being thankful, which was a valid point) and those points were really quite few. At the very least, he should have summarized and included a list or a short description of what to do, especially for young believers who do not have a firm grasp of the Bible yet.

 Pastor Furtick closes the book by repeating "CRASH!" multiple times. Unfortunately, the only thing that crashed was my excitement for reading his future books.

 I received this book for free from Blogging for Books in exchange for a review.

Unstoppable (Book Review)

Unstoppable by Nick Vujicic is a powerful set of memoirs written to inspire. The author's genuineness, honesty, and vulnerability give readers a window into Nick's life while also providing a comfort and a hope for their own lives--in the midst of whatever struggle or challenge they may be facing.

The beauty of this book is that it appeals to all people. The anecdotes and truths in his writing, both from experiences in his own life and experiences shared with him through the lenses of people he has known, are incredibly diverse. He addresses issues from self-harm, depression, and suicide attempts to anxiety, addiction, fear of never finding love, and trust issues. He addresses issues from broken families, domestic violence, and bullying to doubts and lack of direction. And he addresses medical conditions and disabilities that, in the past, have been viewed as debilitating. Nick shows people how disabilities aren't taking away from the person; they are giving the person new and different abilities. It's empowering and enlightening for all, regardless of ability.

Not only that, but it's a great reminder that we are loved and treasured by a God who is bigger than any mountain we will face. As the old Veggie Tales song goes, "God is bigger than the boogeyman." We are of value and God will never leave us behind. He will protect us and provide for us, and see us through the pain and the fear.

My recommendation when reading this book is to view it as a challenge. Understand that this book will give you hope and motivation to do something great--that is, something greater than yourself. When Nick Vujicic acknowledged that God wanted to do something big--something meaningful and powerful--through the abilities with which God graced him, he listened. He followed God's lead. He didn't take "no" for an answer. He went where God called and He trusted God for provision along the way. That's something that we don't typically do--regardless of our medical or mental status. We aren't a people of risk-taking when it means that we have to offer a load of faith in order to get a miracle. But God wants to see our faith in action.

After all, we are His people and we are called to do His work, so why aren't we doing it? He gave us each a purpose. Nick stated it perfectly: "Nothing will bring you down faster than living without a purpose or losing track of whatever you are most passionate about: the gift that gives you joy and makes your life meaningful" and "You are custom-made for your purpose, just as I am for mine."

Let's allow God to make us all unstoppable.

If you would like to read chapter one of Unstoppable, please click here.

I received this book for free from Blogging for Books for this review.

Talitha, cumi

To the little girl who avoids the mirror in the morning but clings to the scale at night…
To the little girl who fears the clothing racks and the dressing rooms because she just can’t find that “right” fit…
To the little girl who cries herself to sleep because she’ll never look like those stars on the cover of CosmoGirl or Teen People…
And to the little girl who still hides in the heart of every grown woman…

Talitha, cumi – little girl, arise.

Little girl, arise.

Rise above the toxicity of the thin ideal; of the idea that there’s only one definition of beauty and that you have to look a certain way - be a certain way - to be beautiful, accepted, or worthy.
You already are beautiful, accepted, and worthy.

Rise above the exhaustion that the thin ideal brings - the physical and emotional draining that comes with always trying to attain an unrealistic, falsified, and photoshopped image of perfection.
Instead, let your energy be consumed by your passions and the things that provide joy and excitement.

Rise above the competition with other girls and the pull toward self-deprecating statements. Rise above the pressure to conform to the standard ways of suppressing the positive and amplifying the negative.
Instead, stand in front of a mirror and remind yourself that you are beautifully and wonderfully made - and you don’t have to fit a mold to be that way. Then, remind the rest of the world. Be confident. Resist conformation and be different simply by loving yourself.

Rise above the tendency to bankrupt your wallet by buying the latest fashion and the newest diet trend and the tendency to bankrupt your mind by buying the lies that society tells you.
Instead, bankrupt others of negativity and fill them with positivity. Fill your body - your whole body - with love and happiness and then let it overflow into others.

You are valuable, you are precious, and you are unique…because you are YOU…and nobody else can be YOU for you. So don’t waste time trying to be someone else’s "you."

I know society tells you that we have to live for other people. We’re taught at a young age that it’s normal to hate our bodies and to always strive for this idol of “perfection,” but this thin ideal is anything but perfect and anything but ideal. When you aim at “gaining” that particular body, you run the risk of losing everything else. So don’t live for other people. Live for yourself and for your God.

Every day, praise the Lord for your differences. Thank Him for the subtle things that make you special, for they also make your beautiful.

And when you struggle and you’re just not sure what to do, just remember one concept: talitha, cumi. Little girl, arise.

Inspired by Mark 5:41 (ESV):
Taking her by the hand he said to her, “Talitha cumi,” which means, “Little girl, I say to you, arise.”

When We Were on Fire (Book Review)

When We Were on Fire by Addie Zierman is a personal memoir written with deeply rooted honesty, openly discussing the pain and loneliness Addie felt as she struggled through finding "The One" (her husband) and--at the lowest point in her life--finding The One True Savior who would pull her up from the pits of life and make her feel whole again.

I found the concept appealing, as it is incredibly relevant to Christians in our culture today, a culture of doubt and questions, a culture that doesn't really know what to believe. Especially in the young adult generation. This book opens up the discussion of depression, loneliness, doubt...and brings about an "okayness" to making ourselves vulnerable and sharing the dark pieces of our lives with others. Addie talks about ways she felt burned by the church and by "Church People" and how that deeply impacted how she felt in churches and around Christians. And also how she eventually worked through those feelings to become reconnected with the Church.

This level of relevance and honesty make the book worth reading--for some. While engaged in the story, I found myself a little uninterested at the beginning. It was so focused on her teenage romances, bouncing from boy to boy that she liked or dated in high school, that I eventually thought, Well, maybe this book just isn't for me...but maybe it would be good for younger adults or teenagers, girls who are starting to go through some of these struggles with teenage Christian dating. There are some good guidelines in here that I would probably want my daughter to follow in her dating life as well.

And then I kept reading. I realized I would not want my teenagers daughters reading this at all. Though the second half of the book is where the story really starts to develop and you really start to dig down to a deeper level of this author's character and her struggle (and recovery!), you also find some mixed messages. You find a message that it's okay to curse when you're upset (I disagree), that it's okay to stay out of a church family (I disagree; though I will add that she did go back to church in the end), and that it's okay to remove prayer from your life as long as you are doing something that is "like" prayer for you (I disagree). Though I understand that everyone worships in a different way, and that you can use anything to create an intimate experience with the Lord, nothing takes away from the need to communicate and to really engage in two-way conversation with God. That is a crucial element to having a relationship with this relational God.

Additionally, I found it a little bothersome to follow at times just because of the writing style. It was a very easy read, which was great; but the author often switched between first-person and second-person in her narratives, which seemed completely unnecessary since she was often continuing the same mini-story, just on a different page.

If you are interested in gaining a glimpse of the book before purchasing, read the first chapter here.

I received this book for free from Blogging for Books for this review.

Oh, these temptations!

I brought up temptation very briefly in a previous post and I thought it was time to touch bases with you on that a little bit more.

It is a common misconception that being tempted is, in and of itself, sinful. I disagree.
But I can understand why people come to this conclusion. They think that because that drug, lust, movie, or whatever even created that feeling for them--that temptation, that slight urge to do something about it--that they are filled with sin.

It cannot be denied that we are sinful, imperfect people with a tendency to lean toward bad decisions on occasion. But when we don't give in to tempting desires and sin, that can be a powerful thing.

Okay, so let's start with reasons we know temptation doesn't have to be sinful (on its own).

1. Simple logic problem:

Fact: Jesus was perfect and never sinned.
Fact: Jesus was tempted, just as humans are tempted.
Conclusion: If Jesus was tempted in the same way we are tempted, yet He still remained sinless and perfect, then temptation itself must not be the sin.

Matthew 4:1 - "Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil."

2. We know that we will be tempted.
It's as simple as that. We also know that temptation comes from the devil, not from God...and we are warned to be aware of the possibility of temptation coming our way because the devil is tricky and will take every chance to strike at our weakest moments.

1 Peter 5:8 - "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

But why are we being warned about this? We are being warned because we have free will--the power to choose, for ourselves, whether or not we will give into those temptations and evil desires. Temptation, by itself, is beyond our control. We can't control what the devil is going to do and what he is going to try to send our way. Temptation is in his hands. However, we can control what we do with that temptation. How do we respond? Free will kicks in here...and that is also where sin takes a role. If we allow that temptation to have its way in our lives, then we sin. If we actively refuse it and avoid it, then we do not enter into sin. And, side note: we are strengthened by that.

James 1:13-15 - When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Now...what do we do about this?

1. Simple: Just say "NO!"
Yeah, I know... that's the speech we all got in middle school when we had to sit through school assemblies and awkward classroom activities about saying "No" to drugs and to peer pressure. But let's be honest: there's some truth to all of that.

The less you do, the less you will be tempted by it later. And the more you say "No," the more comfortable you become with saying it. And the more you say it to the same people (if, unfortunately, you must do so), the more likely they are to stop asking you or trying to push into something you shouldn't be doing. Send the right message to the devil: BACK OFF! YOU CAN'T WIN ME!

2. Pray about it.
God wants us to rely on Him fully. He wants to be our first responder--the very first One to whom we turn we are in trouble. If you are struggling with a temptation in your life, something that continually haunts you and causes you to fall, don't be afraid to admit this to Him. He knows already anyway, but He wants you to be the one to tell Him about it. Allow Him to take the wheel for a while...because we all know it's hard to do this all on our own. Besides, Jesus experienced temptation on a first-hand basis. He knows what you are going through and how it can take its toll on you; and He wants to be involved in helping you through it.

Matthew 26:41 - "“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Hebrews 2:18 - " Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."

And don't be afraid to talk to other people about it. Find someone you can trust. Get engaged in a small group or find an accountability partner. Strive to find at least one person to whom you can pour out your heart, open up the messiest pits of your soul, and really allow into your "buffer zone." Talk about your struggles and about the sins of your past. You may find this helps you reach deliverance. And an extra person or two on board provides for you an extra resource: someone to check in on you, keep you accountable, be faithful in prayer for you, and really help you through the trial.

Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10,12 - "Two are better than one...If either of them falls down, one can help the other up...though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

James 5:16 - "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

3. Remember there is always a way out.
You always have the option of doing the right thing. And the Lord will never allow the devil to tempt you more than you are able to handle. If God Himself knows that you are able to resist the temptation, make the right decision, and move forward...then shouldn't you have that kind of faith in yourself? GOD--your Creator and Father--knows you can handle this. That's a pretty big deal!

1 Corinthians 10:13 - "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

And don't think that just because you are able to handle the pressure, you have to do it all on your own. God is with you every step of the way. It's like that old poem, Footprints in the Sand, tells us: when we are weak and can't do something on our own, the Lord will not just walk beside us--He will pick us up and carry us.

"Christian Sex:" WHAT?!

[Whoa, Anjoli...you're going to talk about sex? Are you serious?]

Yeah, I'm serious. Let's talk about premarital sex.
I recently heard of a concept called "Christian sex." Apparently this is a term used to describe the premarital sexual acts in which Christians are allowed to participate. Not to get too graphic or anything, but apparently there is a dividing line between "regular" sex and anal sex, so Christians can do the latter before marriage, but not the former...and apparently they can still call themselves virgins afterward, which makes it "okay."

I hope you're on the same page with me as I say this: WHAT?! SERIOUSLY?!
I hate need to break it to you, but: Christians aren't supposed to engage in ANY sexual acts prior to marriage!

I don't care how you twist around the rules and guidelines, any kind of sex is still sex. And you can't slip your way through that truth. Don't believe me? Ask your parents. Ask your pastor. Ask some wise friends. Ask elders of the church. Almost anyone!

It is your responsibility to protect your purity and maintain your virginity until the day you sign that marriage certificate. And it is the responsibility of your significant other to protect your purity in the same way.

Can you honestly tell me that you still feel innocent and pure after engaging in that [SEXUAL] act? Can you tell me that you won't regret it if you do it? Can you tell me that you would be perfectly content with announcing to your family and your church that you did it? And do you honestly (and I mean HONESTLY) believe that Jesus would look you in the eye and tell you that it's perfectly fine to do that?

If your answers to any of those are "no," that should probably be a clear sign to you that you shouldn't do it.
I can tell you right now that the answer to that last question should DEFINITELY be a NO.

Matthew 5:28 "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

We know that it is sinful to THINK sexual thoughts (to clarify: it is not sinful to be tempted; it is sinful to respond to the temptation and allow it to fill our minds). We know that imagining a sexual situation with a person is just as bad as actually doing it...because if we have committed a sin in our minds, we have also committed it in our hearts. So, how could anyone ever try to draw a line between a so-called acceptable sexual fantasy and a non-acceptable sexual fantasy when you are unmarried? No one could do that. And if you can't draw a line between sexual fantasies, how can you draw a line between acceptable and non-acceptable sexual practices? One TYPE of sex is not different from another type.

I'm sorry...my thoughts are all over the place on this one because there are just too many reasons this concept of "Christian sex" is off-the-wall and inaccurate! So please excuse the jumbled nature of this post. I guess my main message here is this:

Don't let anyone tell you that it is okay to engage in any sexual behavior before you are married. If your partner isn't willing to wait until marriage--and isn't willing to protect and honor you and your body--then that person isn't worth dating. And TRUST ME: God has someone much more respectful, loving, and Christ-like waiting for you.

Okay...go out and make good choices.

Welcome to the Buffer Zone

When we were kids, my brother always used to say, "You're in my buffer zone!" That was his way of telling us that we were too close for comfort and we needed to back off. Of course, the rest of us were younger siblings, so we always pushed our luck! But the whole "buffer zone" thing was a concept my family adopted and that we still use, just for fun, to this day.

On a more serious note: We all like to have our comfort zones (buffer zones, if you will) and we like to sit inside those magic little areas of safety and contentment by ourselves for as long as possible. In fact, we stay there until a needle pops it and we have to send it to the shop to get fixed or until someone stands outside it for days on end, just rubbing one little spot and a hole eventually develops, so we have no choice but to slowly exit on our own (or let that person inside the bubble, but really, who ever wants to let other people in their own little bubbles? Precious space!).

The scariest part, though, is that we aren't meant to stay trapped in these bubbles, are we? Just as God called Peter to step out of the boat and onto the water, He is calling us to do the same thing. He wants us to step out of our comfort zones and into a place where we can only survive by trusting Him.

And, get this: it doesn't just stop at us getting out of these zones and bubbles...that's only the beginning. We then have to dare to do two more things:

1. Get inside other people's bubbles.
   We have to want to poke holes and tear down walls if we are going to reach people. There has to be some effort put into it! We have to let people know that we aren't settling for whatever they are giving us on the surface; we want to know who they are at the core and all the things they are afraid to let seep out of those holes. And don't get me wrong...we have to make sure that we aren't going in with axes and baseball bats, but with soft hearts and gentle spirits that will get us invitations inside.
2. Let people inside our own bubbles.
   Oh, boy. There's a scary thought! But it's the truth. How can we expect others to open up and let us inside their buffer zones if we can't open up and let them inside ours? Besides, this isn't ONLY about their comfort; it's about ours, too. It's incredible what can happen if you allow your space to be invaded just a little bit, or allow a couple pokes.

Your mission? Break your bubble and then go help others break theirs. And most of all: step out of your comfort zone and witness the amazing work God wants to do--and will do--through you!

"Christian cuss words:" What?

Ok, let's have a chat.

There is no such thing as a Christian cuss word.

Seriously, Christian cuss words don't exist...so please stop fooling yourself and pretending that they do exist and that it is okay to use them.

You know what I'm talking about, right? All these Christians, especially in their teens and 20s, think that it's cool to come up with these knock-off swear words to replace the words they really want to use. You've heard these words, right?

Do you say them?

If you answered yes...then STOP.

Why? Because if you say something with the purposeful intention of saying it to specifically replace another (bad) word, then you might as well just say the bad word you intended on saying. You still mean the bad word; you just aren't saying it.

Is that clear?

So, the next time you say "fudge," make sure it's because you are craving a piece of delicious chocolatey goodness.

And the next time you get some urge to say a swear word, don't replace it with another word that's just a knock-off version of the real thing. Just don't say anything in that space. Swear words are completely unnecessary...and so are the so-called "Christian" versions of them.

How this is SUPPOSED to work

I will make this quick.
Why? Because I shouldn't even need to say this.
But apparently people just don't get it.

I am convinced that people out there have decided to try and change the order of the world.
To be clear, let me tell you how this is SUPPOSED to work.

1. You become mature and responsible.
2. You get married.
3. You have sex and maybe get pregnant.

This is NOT to be messed up or confused in any way.
You do not get pregnant before the other two, you do not get married before the first one, and you do not do anything if you are still young and stupid.

Too blunt? I don't care...it needed to be said.

The Rapture and the unborn

Lately, I have been thinking about tribulation and all of that not-so-lovely stuff to come (mostly because my boyfriend and my father are both on these end-of-the-world kicks for some reason and have been reading Left Behind and all these survival books...you know...anyway, I blame them).

So, I just have one question. I am not sure if I am looking for fact or opinion here because, as far as my research goes, there isn't a definitive answer. I guess that means I am searching for more of an opinion. Or perhaps simply searching to stimulate your mind and get you thinking independently on the subject.

Anyway...here's my question:
What about the unborn?

Obviously, when Christians are taken from the earth at the time of the Rapture, babies (and children who have not yet reached the age of accountability) will be taken as well. But what about the babies who have not yet been born?
They are babies, too.
With that being said, will they be taken from the womb (since that is where life begins) if they have already been conceived? And if they are, how will it happen--what will the mothers see and feel (will it be like a miscarriage or will it be as though she was never pregnant)?

Or will babies be taken directly after birth?
Will they simply disappear once they have been born?
Or will God keep them there to live with those who were left behind until everything is over? And would that be fair to the poor child--to live through that kind of suffering on earth because he or she simply was a little late being born?

This brings me to babies conceived after the Rapture, of course. Do women just not get pregnant after the Rapture? Is that the end of human reproduction?
If they are allowed to get pregnant, are those children (since they are conceived afterward) then taken directly from the womb? The same questions are present with those conceived beforehand, of course.

I just have so many questions related to this subject, so I think I will just go ahead and stop because you should get my point.

What happens?!

"I know how you feel."

Is that not one of the most annoying things a person can tell you? It honestly does not matter what is going on in your life or how bad you are feeling in that moment, someone will always "know how you feel." But, in reality, those people NEVER know how you feel.

And you just want to grab some duct tape, close their mouths, and tie them to chairs to make them shut up.

Sound familiar?

It doesn't make much sense. You could have just been diagnosed with cancer, lost your home, dealt with a sick parent, and found out your job was in jeopardy. But do these people really care? Nope! There will always be someone there who will decide to compare his own life with yours and decide his is worse and, thus, just HAVE to share it with you. "Oh, yeah. I know how you feel! I lost my puppy last year...it was just like this." I mean, do people seriously think before they talk?

And why in the world do people want to compete with you for position of "worst life" or "worst experience?" You would think it would be more fun to know you haven't experienced that and have been blessed with a wonderful life. You'd think people would enjoy looking at the positive elements of their lives more. Wouldn't you think that?!
No? Alright. Maybe it's just me.

AND, rewinding a little bit here: Even if this other person's house was bombed and then his dog and 16 children were eaten by a sea monster, is it really going to make you feel better at that moment? No...but it might make you feel worse (yay)! And, STILL, does that person really know how you feel? No. Of course not.

No one will ever know how you feel. Ever. Because everyone has different experiences. And even if two people have the exact same experience, they will always interpret that experience in two different ways...perhaps similarly, perhaps not.

So.
You don't want to hear other people's long, drawn-out stories of their own personal misery?
You don't want people to tell you they "know how you feel" when they obviously don't know?
You don't want any of this? At all? Are you sure? Really?
Too bad...'cause you'll get it anyway.

I wish more people would understand the concept of listening. Sometimes people do not want to hear your irrelevant stories that have nothing to do with their lives that are crashing and burning as they wince in pain. Sometimes people just need someone who will listen to them and love on them and show them that they have people surrounding them who love them, care for them, and will be there through those difficult times...even though they DON'T understand.

Sometimes admitting you don't understand the person's situation but loving them anyway, simply knowing you have felt hurt or scared or distressed in some form or fashion in the past...and knowing you needed the same things...is a better option.

Disclaimer: This is not to discredit the beauty of support groups and things of that nature. Totally different thing. I know those are actually quite helpful for people. But even then, people all come with different backgrounds and stories and experiences.

It is, of course, nice to know that we are not alone. It is nice to know there are others out there who have been where we have been and can get us through the same way they got through...but there is a line. A line between helping and boasting. A line between appropriate timing and just not thinking before speaking. A very definitive line sometimes that people just choose to ignore.

More Beautiful You

God wants us to know that beauty isn't in the magazines or on the television screen...it's not in the pasts we hang over our heads or in anything that society tells us. Society loves spreading lies and we have to choose to block it out and spread a message of truth instead--the truth that God made us each beautifully and no one could replace any one of us...not even more society-approved "beautiful" versions of us.

No one can replace you because there could never be a more beautiful YOU.



I know I post this song on Facebook every now and then and talk about it all the time, but I really just love the song and the message it brings. And I hope it serves as a reminder to you that you are beautifully and wonderfully made. We are all different, but we are all beautiful, too.

P.S. Tell Her She's Beautiful is an event someone started on Facebook. It lasts for the whole month of February this year and the point of it is simply to tell someone she (or he!) is beautiful...tell everyone. Make sure everyone knows they are beautiful!

JCLU Forever

I just wanted to take this moment to tell you that I absolutely love JCLU Forever. It's a Christian clothing company (JCLU=Jesus Christ Loves You) and every piece of clothing on their website sends a positive message from those who wear it to those who see it.

ALSO: MEN, GUYS, AND DUDES: Don't be thrown off by the women's shirts. Many of the shirts come in men's styles as well. Including the second and third ones below. :)

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE JCLU FOREVER WEBSITE
(http://www.jcluforever.com)

Here are some of my favorite shirts from JCLU Forever:

(I have this one!)


(Remember. Everyone. Deployed. <3)


(I think this one would be a great conversation starter!)


(I just think this one is funny because it refers to Twilight and all this "Team Edward" and "Team Jacob" stuff!)


CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE JCLU FOREVER WEBSITE

Remember: it's not what you wear; it's what you do while you are wearing it!

I hate you, University Park.

Dear University Park,

I think you are very rude for towing my car tonight. Why, you ask? Well, I will tell you...in list form.

1. There are no signs (except a very small one at only one side of the main entrance of the entire development, made up of a million little parking lots). So there was no way of knowing that my car did, in fact, get towed. And that is stupid.

2. Why would UP residents, considering they are ALL students at SU, NOT be allowed to have visitors after 5pm? Ever heard of study groups? You're stupid.

3. You saw the SU parking permit on my car. Therefore, you know I am an SU student. With that being said, why would you tow me? I live 15 minutes from campus...how am I supposed to get home (you apparently don't want me visiting, but it's not like I have a way of getting back to my home, so maybe you'd rather me stay forever)?

4. To lead off of that one, I have class tomorrow at 9am. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET TO CLASS? Maybe you would rather us all fail. Yeah, that would be awesome. It's my worst class, too...one I cannot miss. But you don't care. You should also know that your lovely towing company doesn't open until 9am. I guess they like to be lazy in the mornings and just make us (diligent college students) wait until they are ready.
But if their main priority is to tow the cars of college students (which obviously it is...if it wasn't, there would be more signs...because people at UP ALWAYS have visitors), you'd think they would have the decency to open before classes start in the morning.

5. $150. Really? I mean, seriously...really? That is just stupid. I did nothing to you. But I bet you guys are making a killing off of us poor college students.

6. What is wrong with just ticketing us? You have to go and TOW us? Again, how are we supposed to even KNOW that we got towed?! It's not like you can leave a note. And, again, you have no signs...so no phone number...no name...no nothing. So, we wander around for a while until we are directed to your little house thing where the leaders of the pack are.

7. And the campus police suck. Or the Salisbury police...or whoever they are. They have no care in the world. Two girls crying in the lobby because their cars got towed and they have no way home (the girls' friend, who they were visiting, has no car there, so she also was not able to know that these girls' cars would get towed)...but it's okay, they're cops. They can do whatever they want. Right? Isn't that how it works?
There were seriously like 4 or 5 of them just there, talking to each other without a care in the world. You could offer to take us home...since that's your job and everything. You're supposed to make sure that SU students are safe. But I guess they forgot to actually tell you that part.

8. Where are visitors supposed to park? Oh, we find out that they are supposed to park on some street way off that we didn't even know existed...and then said visitors are supposed to walk to UP. Even if they're handicapped? Yep, apparently so. Isn't that AWESOME? Yeah, I thought so, too.
So, yes, vulnerable college students are supposed to walk...through the crime-filled streets of Salisbury...in the dark...in the middle of the night...to visit their friends in UP...even if they are studying or something...and then walk back to their cars...through the crime-filled streets of Salisbury...in the dark...in the middle of the night...to go home.

You know what? Fine. I hope I get shot or robbed or something so I can sue you for all that it's worth. You are ridiculous. And I don't like to use the word "hate," but I am seriously on the verge of needing to use it...because this is just stupid. And it really ticks me off!

Love,
Your obviously biggest fan,
Anjoli.

P.S. If you didn't notice the sarcasm in my salutation there, you should know that I really didn't mean any of the "love" or "biggest fan" parts.

Halloween: an excuse for girls to dress like prostitutes?

I am sorry, but I just do not like Halloween. It's cool for the little kids and the candy is awesome and all of that, but it just becomes the stupidest holiday ever when these kids turn into teenagers and continues, often times, as they become adults.

Seriously.

What are girls wearing these days?! It's just ridiculous! Halloween is supposed to be appropriate for all ages...a time of fun and candy. But noooo. Instead, girls are out there wearing skanky little dresses that make them look like prostitutes. And many of these "costumes" (I put this word in quotations because they seem more like lingerie than costumes, frankly) include bustiers and all of those little bows everywhere (seriously, I don't think your hooker pirate and stripper zombie outfits need to have bows everywhere--it doesn't change anything for you). What is up with that?

It's just annoying. And slightly repulsive...to say the least.

Oh, and P.S. Stop degrading our cute little kitty cats and bunny rabbits by pretending it is sexy to dress up like them by wearing leotards and tails. It's not.